Here are my New Year’s Resolutions.
Start with a Hook
In November of 2012, I went to a really special conference in Las Vegas called Change Makers. I should have done that “quote thing” around the word conference because I don’t know what else to call it. It’s a small group of Stanford grads who are both ambitious and socially-minded. The diversity in the group is unparalleled and the people who have been hand-selected to join are some of the most incredible young adults I’ve ever met. We all traveled to Vegas for a jam-packed weekend of fun, sharing, inspiration, critical — yet supportive — discussion..and a bit of partying too (#WHIVSIV). We stayed in Tony Hsieh’s citadel, The Ogden, in downtown Vegas, which is just north of the the Vegas Strip that you’re familiar with. The trip was incredible.
Near the end of Saturday afternoon, after a long day of amazing talks and discussion we broke into smaller groups of about 15-20. We were instructed to share our successes and struggles from the past year, to share our goals and aspirations for next year, and to think of ways the rest of the group could help us out.
Shiiiit…
I was totally blind-sided by — what I now know — is the cornerstone of every year’s meet-up. I’ve always been good on my feet and I wasn’t there to prove anything to anyone so I wasn’t too stressed. [Actually, that’s total bullshit — I was definitely stressed.] I think the caliber of the group and the fact that it was my first year made me anxious. After spending 3 minutes trying to get my act together, we began with the first person and I found out that the sharing took the format of a 5-10 minute monologue.
Shiiiiiiiiit…
I now find this exercise incredibly therapeutic, but at the time I didn’t know what I was doing and was really caught off guard. It turns out that this experience was just the catalyst for a much larger out-of-my-element experience…one that would last for about the next 12 months.
Since I only had 3 minutes to prepare before I had to discuss such a personal thing with a group of people I didn’t know well yet, I didn’t beat myself up too much… but I was really left with a feeling of inadequacy — which doubled once I heard everyone else’s goals. It wasn’t because my goals were materially worse than theirs, but because I felt so unbalanced by the question. Why wasn’t I able to just list off my list of updated goals? Because I didn’t have any goals.
Goals are Stupid
My dad gave me his copy of Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People when I was like 11 years old. Seriously. I knew all about S.M.A.R.T. goals and all that BS. For a few years I set goals and worked towards them and I saw that my post-7-Habits self was kicking ass and taking names. Eventually it became apparent that I could crush anything I really set my mind to [Seriously, in college you did not want to be in my Chemical Engineering classes — I had a knack for destroying any hope my fellow students had for a curve.]
Of course, there were goals I didn’t accomplish — my timelines would slip or my priorities would change and there were a few things that would show up on my list again and again without any sign of progress (I’m looking at you “learn to play piano”). But that was normal — if you’re not failing, then you’re not pushing hard enough. Finally, in my junior year of college, I realized that the only things that mattered were the things that I was actually getting done and that the rest were unimportant and not worthy of my time. This was my new philosophy. Goals were stupid. I didn’t need them. In fact, I was above goals.
Man, I was such a prick. Dear everyone-I’ve-ever-been-an-asshole-to, I’m sorry. Although honestly, I think my arrogant & disenchanted relationship with goals was somewhat justified. I’d actually grown to really despise goals — especially in their most poisonous and fake form: the New Year’s Resolution.
[Fuck New Year’s Resolutions. They’re so fake and filled with Hallmark bullshit and you’re probably falling prey to them. You want to lose 20 pounds? You want to apply to grad school or get that promotion? You want to save enough money to buy a new widget or go on that trip? Great — just fucking do it. This was my attitude towards not only New Year’s Resolutions, but most goals: stop talking and get going. I still believe there’s tremendous value here, but… well, just keep reading.]
Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying & Love the Goal
So great, I gave up on goals and now I’m the greatest ever. Kudos to me. I’m fucking awesome. The end.
[Yeah right… Let’s fast-forward a few years and get back to the Change Makers “conference” in Vegas.]
I had just finished discussing my past year, and my goals for the next year and instead of feeling relieved or accomplished when I finished, I felt inauthentic. Not because I lied about my goals, but because I felt so totally unprepared to answer this simple question: “What are your goals for the next 12 months?” At that moment, I realized that I was missing something big and I needed to reallocate some resources to figure it out.
So I went back home to Palo Alto, totally disappointed with my stated “goals.” I built models and frameworks. I navigated unstructured brainstorms. I started from scratch, I questioned assumptions, I talked to friends and strangers, I tested out new ideas. And finally, after — no joke — 3 months (Feb, 2013) I still only had a vague sense of what I wanted to get done in 2013. By May 2013, I felt I had a “solid” list of TWENTY goals for the year and I finally committed to them. Even then, many of them needed significant improvement before they would become well-defined. Ultimately, I had hoped to accomplish 60% of them.
My real disappointment was that I had literally fallen into the New Year’s Resolution trap that made me despise the process of setting goals in the first place.
Fast-forward to this week — December 15, 2013 — the day of reckoning. [I decided that Dec 15 would be my due date for my goals because the holidays are inevitably chaotic and not really a great time (for me) to be reflective and objective.] On the day of reckoning, with a healthy amount of rationalization, I concluded that I had indeed accomplished my overarching goal (of accomplishing 60% of my 20 goals).
I feel good about it — even with a little bit of bullshitting (see my self-compassion goal for 2014, below). But I also don’t care that much. My 2013 goals kind of sucked and it’s now clear to me that I needed 2013 to relearn — or maybe just learn — how to set good goals. Now, I’m deeply focused on 2014 , which officially began earlier this week on Dec 16, 2013.
Can I Go Now?
The huge problem with my former attitude towards goals was this: When I dismissed my failed goals as a teenager, I was training myself to ignore my failures instead of address them head on. I stopped challenging myself with the things that I really needed to struggle with — the things that would ultimately help me grow. I rationalized: “If I’m not improving in a given area of my life, then that area isn’t important and doesn’t deserve my attention.” And without that list of goals to remind me of my failings, I slowly became oblivious to those failings all together.
I was flying blind.
There were many very real consequences to this attitude and the area of my life that suffered the most was my relationships with some really incredible people. Fortunately, most people put up with me and we’re stronger now than ever before. A few people are no longer in my life and if I haven’t told them already, I hope they know I’m sorry for all the times I was a neurotic asshole.
Alright, that’s it. I’m done. Here are my 2014 “resolutions” and “goals” — or as I actually refer to them: How I plan to divide my attention in 2014.
The Main Event
The Rules:
— Year-long goals are due on Dec 15, 2014.
— Goals are broken into 5 main categories — each of which are a bit fuzzy but capture the spirit of the goal.
— Months run from the 16th of one month to the 15th of the following month (the first month is Dec 16, 2013 — Jan 15, 2014).
— At the beginning of each month, I’ll commit to a set of specific goals for the next month. This give me flexibility month to month to adapt, make course corrections, and include things I learn along the way. It also gives me the ability to focus on process goals in some cases and outcome goals in other cases (run 5x/week vs lose 20 pounds).
— Each month, I’ll evaluate the goals from the prior month and include a brief discussion where relevant.
— You have permission to hold me accountable and call me out on any bullshit. Your feedback and accountability is an essential part of this process for me.
What deserves my attention in 2014? (AKA 2014 Goals)
1) Learning: I will invest in memorable and high-ROI learning experiences.
— I will learn relative mastery in 10 new areas.
— I will document the experiences and lessons learned.
2) Authentic Perspective & Action: I will recognize reality and act with perspective, humility & compassion towards myself and others.
— I will enhance my objective perception of reality.
— I will use that increased perspective to speak and act with more humility and compassion without sacrificing my excitement and confidence.
— I will feel that I’m much more compassionate towards myself and others than I was 12 months ago.
3) Resource Building: I will collect, organize, and invest in resources that will help me to further achieve my goals.
— I will produce and invest in a body of work (primarily from Goal #1).
— I will limit my work for money to what I need to in order to accomplish my goals. Money is simply one asset.
4) Relationships: I will invest in amazing people who push me to be better (and vice versa) and divest from others.
— I will build 5 new awesome relationships in my life.
— I will double down on 5 awesome relationships I already have in my life.
— I will have difficult conversations instead of imagining them.
5) Focus: I will only do the things that I can commit to crushing with all of my might.
— I will practice a single-minded devotion to a very limited number of things. When possible, I’ll do things in series and finish them before moving on to the next thing.
[Note 1: The self-compassion element of Goal #2 serves as a foil for the failures that will likely result from Goal #1.]
[Note 2: I believe that Goal #2 will be my hardest goal and where I will need the most help from others.]
[Note 3: I think Goal #5 will be my second most challenging goal. Help me stay focused!]
What deserves my attention from Dec 16 — Jan 15, 2014?
1) Learning: I will invest in memorable and high-ROI learning experiences.
— Learning Area #1: iOS Programming
— I will code every day until Jan 15 without exception. Even if it’s just one line.
— Breadth: I will use every single iOS framework (~55) in some form or fashion (contrived is okay): Frameworks
— Depth: I will publish/release two projects that I’m incredibly proud of before Jan 15.
2) Authentic Perspective & Action: I will recognize reality and act with perspective, humility & compassion towards myself and others.
— Tweet Yo Self: I will hi-jack my own twitter account (@andrewBellay) and tweet my choices, failures, mistakes, ah-ha moments, leanings, accomplishments, wins, and my gratitude. I will tweet nothing else without an overt tie to these themes.
— 10 long meditation sessions.
3) Resource Building: I will collect, organize, and invest in resources that will help me to further achieve my goals.
— 50+ billable hours of freelance work.
— I will keep a code journal, document my lessons learned, and publish it online (Re: #1).
4) Relationships: I will invest in amazing people who push me to be better (and vice versa) and divest from others.
— Have a long dinner with XXXXXX to catch up & reconnect. (Name omitted for his/her privacy!)
— Have a long dinner with XXXXXX to catch up & reconnect. (Name omitted for his/her privacy!)
5) Focus: I will only do the things that I can commit to crushing with all of my might.
— If I’m not coding, reading, writing, or meditating, I better be sleeping or hanging with friends.
[Note 1: While I’m already an accomplished iOS developer (Goal #1), there is so much more to learn and I believe I can reach a higher mastery with a bit of focused effort.]
[Note 2: My intention is also to start the year with a learning goal (Goal #1) that I already have a foundation in so that I can spend some time better understanding the meta-art and meta-science of learning.]
Looking forward to crushing it with you in 2014!
Thanks for reading & thanks for your support,
bellay